Five Nights with Lady Mary
by robinashley
Summary: Charles Carson and Mary Crawley share a bond that few understand that has taken a lifetime to build. This is a look at five nights spent together over the course of 30 years. [I just love this relationship so!] *Not a romantic story, though there are bits of Chelsie and Matthew/Mary*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Those of you that know me know that I love three things: Chelsie, Mary/Elsie, and Carson/Mary. **  
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**Description: Five nights over the course of 30 years between Mary and Carson show not only the deep bond that they share, but their growing and shifting relationship. **  
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***I feel like I should point out that this is not a romantic story! Not that there's anything at all wrong with that!***

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**1894**

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For most people, babies represent all that is right with the world. New beginnings, hope, complete love and innocence. Little bundles of happiness that bring light to whatever room, and heart, that they inhabit.

Charles Carson had always hated babies.

Oh, perhaps "hate" was a strong word, but he certainly didn't see the appeal of something so small, so delicate, so needy, and so unbelievably loud. Blessedly, he had never had the misfortunate of spending much time around children at all, much less infants. He considered this the wise hand of fate at play, well-aware that his massive hands were not meant to hold tiny ones. His booming baritone was not suited for lullabies. It was all for the best, after all. He had chosen a life of service and was very happy with his decision. A wife and kiddies were not in the cards for him and he lost no sleep over it.

Perhaps that's why it was so extraordinary that he was now doing his level best to remember the words he was gently whispering.

_"Sleep my child and peace attend thee,_

_All through the night_

_Guardian angels God will send thee,_

_All through the night_

_Soft the drowsy hours are creeping_

_Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,_

_I my loving vigil keeping_

_All through the night."_

This wasn't his job, after all. The child had a nanny. Somewhere. Still, as he cradled her sweet head and wiped away the last tears from her finally-dry eyes, there was no place on earth he would have rather been.

He had heard her crying as he made his way back up the stairs from the kitchen for a midnight snack and had waited quietly in the stairwell for a moment for the girl to either quiet herself or to be attended by her nanny. When neither event occurred after a full minute he tiptoed down the hall and into her nursery, ignoring the way his heart broke at her tiny screams.

"There, there. What's all this? It's only a bad dream, now, little one." He scooped her up into strong and steady arms and kissed the crown of her head.

She hiccuped from her hysterics and let out another scream, painful in his ear. "Now, Lady Mary. This is no way to behave, is it? You've had a good cry and now I'm here to keep you company, so what do you say we settle down and have a visit?"

As she usually did when spoken to logically [at least that's what he'd convinced himself of over the past two years], her breaths began to slow and her tears began to stop. "There now. Isn't that better?"

He walked her around the room, singing his lullaby, until he was sure that she was asleep, amazed at the love that he felt for such a tiny little thing. He'd been less than impressed when his Lordship informed him that there would be a baby at Downton, and even less impressed when he heard her first day-long screams. They had all been hoping for a boy, of course. Ah, well. They would try again.

No, it wasn't until Mary Crawley's first night at Downton that Charles Carson had fallen hopelessly in love. He'd been sent to the nursery to ensure that Nanny was settling in properly, a task that he felt was far beneath his station, of course, but he had done as he was told. The sight that met his eyes, however, wasn't something for which he had been prepared. Lying in her bassinet like the tiniest little queen was Lady Mary: perfect, beautiful, and wide awake. He'd considered turning around and leaving her in peace, but he couldn't resist introducing himself and getting a closer look.

He'd been wrapped around her finger ever since.

He wasn't sure why their bond existed, only that it seemed to him that he shared a kindred spirit with the girl. She was sharp as a whip, already talking up a storm, and shone with such a bright light that people were drawn to her wherever she went. She had a temper, the little thing, and was fierce when she didn't get her way, but he was sure that that would serve her well in this family.

Perhaps his greatest joy surrounding the girl was the affection that she so clearly held for him. Reaching for him anytime he walked by, mumbling a slightly mushy version of his name. He'd found that he could quiet her when no one else was able to settle her. They were friends. Birds of a feather.

He carefully lowered himself into the rocking chair in the corner of the room, careful not to wake her. He took the chance to study her face as he rocked them, amazed by her beauty. Sharp features, raven hair. She looked remarkably like her mother and he found that to be quite the blessing.

"You're going to be just fine, little miss. Strong and brave."

She nuzzled closer to his chest. "Oh, there you are. Yes. You're a fine friend, Lady Mary. Yes you are. An old butler couldn't ask for any finer."

She stirred in his arms and he held her a bit more tightly, not noticing the way he was drifting off himself.

.

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When he woke he noticed with alarm that it was nearly dawn. Mary hadn't moved an inch, save for the hand that was tightly gripping Carson's robe. He moved as gently as he could, cursing his thoughtlessness and ignoring the ache in his back and neck from sleeping in a rocking chair. Walking to her crib he thanked the heavens that he had managed to wake before sun up. God bless internal alarms.

He was a few steps from the bed when...

"_**BLAST!**_" He kicked the toy horse out of the way and cringed at the pain in his toe.

Seeing that Mary had been startled by his outburst he struggled to put on a smile. "Well that's going to leave a mark, now isn't it?"

He could see her tiny lip quivering as the cry started to build and he sat her upright and started bouncing her around the room. "And a good morning to you, as well. Let's start it off with a smile and not a cry, shall we?"

As if she could truly understand him she took a shaky breath and then laid her head back on his shoulder, chubby hands stroking his neck.

"How about we get back to bed now and we'll talk about this over breakfast?"

He smiled at her as he placed her in her bed, running his hands over her hair as he kissed her forehead.

"Now then. I'll be heading upstairs now to get ready for the day, little miss. I trust you'll be just fine until Nanny comes to collect you?"

She answered with a giggle as she reached for the doll lying at the end of her crib. "Is that a giggle of approval, then?" He tapped a finger to her nose which elicited another string of laughter followed by what was rapidly becoming his favorite sound.

"_Cawsimmmm_!"

.

.

With one more smile he turned and slipped as quietly as he could out the door and up the stairs, noticing that golden beams were already beginning to pour through the windows.

Honestly, he was greatly relieved that he had gotten away without a hitch until he heard a very pretty throat clearing behind him.

"Late night was it?"

He put on his sternest and most disapproving expression before turning.

"It was not, Mrs. Hughes, and I'm sure I don't know what you're implying."

She fought to hide her smile and nodded somberly. "Nothing at all, you dear man. Nothing at all."

She turned before his expression of confusion and wonder left his face, leaving him alone to prepare for the new day.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Mary and Carson love. This is the second night in a snapshot of their lives. **

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**1898**

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"I suppose I had better be heading up. Long day tomorrow."

How he hated to hear those words from her. Still, he knew that she was right and he gently took the teacup from her hand.

"Yes, it will be that. Goodnight, Mrs. Hughes."

She smiled sweetly. "Mr. Carson."

He spent the next few moments clearing and straightening up. Making sure his ledgers were ready for the next day, putting wine bottles back where they belonged. He actually loved this part of the evening. Everything was so calm and quiet. He was the only one awake and stirring and he could reflect on the day.

Today had been a particularly good one. The family had needed very little and the staff had been in unusually high spirits owing to the unseasonably lovely weather for March. He'd served an easy dinner and made it downstairs by 9:45, giving him over an hour with the most beautiful woman he had ever known. She had been sweet and witty tonight, longing for spring and pleased with the day's sunshine.

As he picked up a candle to head upstairs his heart was light and he was happy to get a relatively long night's rest. These were the moments that made life so wonderful and he was feeling rather sentimental in the moment.

As was his custom, he was planning to make his way through the house floor by floor, giving one last check to the main rooms before heading up to his own room. He had made it to the main floor when he saw something moving in the darkness ahead of him. He steeled himself against whatever the shadow might be, but as it clumsily moved closer he realized that he would recognize that tiny little figure anywhere.

"Lady Mary! What are you doing in here?" He scooped her up as she ran toward him, nearly dropping his candle in the process, which he placed gently on an end table.

He realized with alarm that she was crying. "Carson I was just coming to find you! Oh, it's so very horrible!"

"What is, Mary?" He walked them to a settee in the corner of the foyer and sat down, cradling her like she was much younger than her six years.

"I had an awful dream! Mummy told me that she loved Sybil much more than me and that I would have to be sent away! She said that there was only room for two. I tried to explain to her that it would be much more suitable to send Edith away, but she wouldn't listen to me at all."

Carson fought to stifle a laugh, well aware that the girl's trauma was real to her in the moment.

"There, there, now. You stop that. No one is sending you anywhere. You've only had a bad dream."

She sniffled and snuggled into his neck. "It didn't feel like a dream, Carson, it felt like any other day."

He sat her up in his lap and looked her square in the eyes, as was his custom. "Now, Lady Mary. Do you honestly think that your Mummy and Daddy would ever send you away?"

She lifted her tiny shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "I don't think so."

"No. I don't think so either."

She looked down at her hands, watching them trace his lapel. "They spend lots of time with Sybil."

He brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. "They spend lots of time with you, as well, Lady Mary. And with your sister."

"They all love to be around Sybil. It's always _Sybil's so pretty, Sybil's so clever, listen to the new thing that Sybil's said_."

"She's still a babe, little one. They're only excited by the progress she's making. And, after all, don't you think that Sybil is pretty and clever?"

Her eyes widened and she nodded furiously. "Of course I do! She's just _perfect_!"

His eyes crinkled into a smile. "I agree."

"It's only..." Her hands ran up and down his lapel. "It's only that they're always telling me to quiet down or to speak more sweetly or to leave Edith alone and play fairly." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I think they may be tired of me."

Carson's heart shattered into a million pieces at the look on her face. She truly believed that her parents were bored with her!

"Lady Mary Josephine Crawley. Look at me." He shook her tiny shoulders a bit to encourage her to look directly at his face. "If you think, for even one second during one day of your life, that you are not the most beautiful, most clever, most fascinating person in any room that you walk into you are sorely mistaken, my love." He looked into her eyes for a moment. "Do you understand what that means?"

She nodded a bit and he raised an eyebrow as if to ask her to explain. "It means that I'm the prettiest and the best and I should remember that."

He chuckled a bit. If Elsie could only hear them now she would have his head on a platter. How many times a week did she warn him not to spoil the girl? Ah, well, there was nothing that brought him more joy.

"That's exactly right, love. But maybe we won't share that with other people."

"Because we wouldn't want to hurt their feelings?"

"You couldn't be more right, little one." He tapped her nose. "Someone less pretty and less clever than you might feel a bit badly about themselves if you pointed that out. Do you understand?"

"I do, Carson. I'll be nice."

He said a silent prayer that she seemed to understand the importance of treating others kindly, or at least not treating them badly. She had already started to spar a bit with Edith and they weren't even old enough for schooling.

"What do you say we get you back to bed, yes?"

She gripped his jacket with fervor and shook her head, raven curls flying. "I don't want to go back upstairs! Oh, please don't make me, Carson, I want to stay with you!"

"Lady Mary we've had this discussion before, love. You know that you have to stay in your own room and I have to stay in mine."

He thought back to the many nights she had begged him to read just one more story, just one more song, only to burst into tears when he stood to leave, thinking that she was asleep. She was four before Robert knew anything about it, begging for Carson's help after a particularly lengthy fit during which Mary refused to settle down for anyone but him.

"I know that I have to sleep in my own bed on a usual night but this isn't a usual night, Carson, it's a bad dream night and I think that it's only right that you stay with me."

She was trying her hardest to appear grown up and emphatic, but her bottom lip was quivering and her eyes were filling with tears.

He sighed and stood, balancing Mary on his hip. "Let's get upstairs and talk about it there, how's that?" He felt her nod as she snuggled close and gripped his neck.

Once in her bedroom, covered in mauves and pale greens, he settled her into bed, sitting lightly on the edge and tucking her in tightly.

"Alright now. Settle down. Close your eyes." She opened her mouth to speak but he stopped her with a finger over her lips. "Shh. No, ma'am. Close your eyes, now. There you go."

She held out a tiny hand, "You know what to do."

He smiled and took her hand, like he had done so many times before, and sang softly the words of their very first lullaby.

He thought that she was out like a light before he even finished the song and he unwound her fingers from his and stood as quietly as he could.

"Don't go." Her words were muffled and obstructed but he heard them. "Just lay down with me for a little while."

He looked to the door and back to the half-asleep little lady. He knew it was highly inappropriate for a servant to be so close to a member of the family. He would eventually have to distance himself to allow her to grow into the woman she was destined, expected, to be. But that time just hadn't come yet.

"Just a few more minutes, little one. Scooch over."

He leaned back against her headboard and scooped her into his arms, placing a kiss on her hair and humming to her.

"Carson?"

"Yes, love?"

"I came to find you."

He smiled at her ramblings. "Yes, yes. Settle down now."

"I thought it was real."

He ran a strong hand across her back and continued to hum. "It isn't, milady."

She yawned and closed her eyes. "I knew that I only had to find you."

He raised an eyebrow and looked down at her, unable to resist asking just one question, unsure if she was even awake. "Why is that, love?"

"Because even if nobody else wanted me you'll always love me best."

His heart physically hurt with all of the emotion swelling in his chest. He looked down at the six year old lying on his chest and, just for a moment, thought that perhaps they didn't have to distance themselves. That they could always remain the best of friends.

It was in that moment that he realized that he had gotten it so very wrong. He didn't have to pull away from her, he only had to allow her to pull away when she was ready. As far as he was concerned she would always be his tiny little lady.

"Always and forever, milady. Always and forever."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: No one has mentioned this, but I wanted to say it just for the sake of clarity. I know that Elsie wasn't at Downton when Mary was little, but I wanted her to be a part of this story, even if it was only very peripherally. So...there she is. :]**

Your reviews make me so happy, thank you so much!

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**1907**

He had noticed the discrepancy almost immediately, but had kept it to himself until now hoping that it would turn up somewhere. Unfortunately, it had been two days and there was still no sign of it. He honestly wasn't sure how he wanted to proceed, so he did what he always did when he was unsure.

He knocked on Elsie's door.

"Mrs. Hughes, I wonder if I might take a few minutes of your time."

Her tired eyes smiled at him and she motioned toward the chair next to her. "Of course."

He sat down gratefully, if somewhat hesitantly, and her face immediately dropped.

"What is it, Charles?"

He took a deep breath. "There's a bottle of scotch missing. Incredibly valuable and incredibly rare. I've checked the delivery list against my own ledgers a hundred times. It simply isn't here anywhere."

"Oh, not this again."

"I know. I've waited to say something until I was sure, but I think we've got to start questioning the staff tomorrow."

She sighed and leaned back in her chair, weary but willing to share his burden. "I suppose you're right, but...certainly there's an explanation for this, Charles. At this point would it really hurt to wait a few more days? Search rooms? Give a bit of warning?"

He arched an eyebrow and looked down, thinking. "Oh, I suppose not. His Lordship certainly won't miss it. I would just rather not carry the weight of suspicion any longer than I must."

She shrugged almost imperceptibly. "Better the burden of suspicion than the burden of replacing a staff member."

He offered a light smile and stood. "I won't take any more of your time. I appreciate the advice."

She stood and walked toward him at the door. "You're always welcome, Charles. I'll follow you up."

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He had just pulled his robe over his pajamas and reached for his Dickens on the nightstand when realized that he had forgotten to shut off the lights and oil lamp in his pantry. He growled at himself a bit at the completely out of character forgetfulness. He'd been so distracted between the whiskey and walking Elsie to bed that he'd simply been careless. He looked toward the clock: 11:46.

He considered leaving it until morning as it had been such an uncomfortably long day, but the thought of a fire at Downton landing on his head was more than his brain could take and once the thought appeared in his mind he simply couldn't relax at all. Finally, at 12:04 he set his book aside and walked down the hallway, suddenly quite dark without Elsie's light to guide him.

On his way down he stopped on the third floor, certain that he had heard something coming from one of the rooms, but as there were no guests staying with them for the weekend he dismissed the nagging in his gut as imagination and hurried downstairs to right things. When he made his way back up, however, there was no denying that he heard laughing, and now he was positive that he heard...was that music?

He inched slowly down the hallway, unsure of what he might find and vaguely aware that he was wearing only pajamas, a robe, and well-worn slippers. As he neared the end of the corridor he could see light leaking out from the Red Suite and could feel the warmth of a fire burning. There was certainly no longer any doubt that music was playing: bawdy hall music that took him back to his performing days. He couldn't for the life of him imagine what member of the staff would even own such records. He placed a hand on the doorknob and prepared to shout and demean whomever was on the other side of the door crazy enough to think that they could take such liberties at Downton.

What he saw when he busted the door open shocked him into silence. Dancing on the bed, drunker than a skunk, half-dressed, and holding a nearly empty bottle of scotch was Lady Mary, seemingly oblivious to her new audience.

After a brief moment he shook himself out of his stupor and loudly cleared his throat, anger flushing his cheeks. She tried to turn at the sound but in her intoxicated state slipped and landed in a graceless heap on the bed, where she furiously reached for a blanket to cover herself, clad only in a nightgown.

Carson pulled himself to his full height, "What in _god's name_ is going on here?!"

She flinched a bit at his words but he soon realized that it was the volume of his booming voice that startled her, not their meaning. She pulled herself to her knees and tried to pout, difficult through all of her laughter.

"Oh, Carson, I'm so glad that you're here! Now it's _truly_ a party!" She scooted off the bed and stood, blanket falling to the floor, and he rolled his eyes and looked away, feeling uncomfortable seeing her in such a casual manner of dress.

"I did not come to, to _party_, I came because this racket is loud enough to wake the dead!" He walked to the old phonograph in the corner of the room and roughly stopped the music with a screech before turning back to her.

She reached for his arm, likely to steady herself, whining a bit at the sudden lack of music. When she spoke, though, her voice was mocking and light. "Always so serious. Come now, dance with me!"

Carson jerked his arm away, careful to catch her with his other, before guiding her to the bed and sitting her down. He picked up the scotch and tipped it end over end, horrified that she seemed to have had the entire bottle. He said a silent prayer that she had done so over the past few days and not over the past few hours. He knelt in front of her, placing his hands on either side of her hips.

"Lady Mary. How much of this scotch have you had tonight?" He would deal with the fact that she had stolen it later on.

"Don't know. Liked it, though!" Before he could say another word she hiccuped and fell back onto the bed, laughing. Sighing, he grasped her hands, pulling her back to him.

"Lady Mary, love, I need you to remember. Did you have all of this tonight?"

She scrunched up her face and reached for the bottle, still filled with roughly an inch of transparent amber liquid. "Not all of it, Carson! Honestly!" She placed a clammy hand on his cheek, "There's plenty left for you, silly!"

He clenched his jaw and stood, looking around the room as he wondered what to do with her. She had had far too much to drink to simply put her to bed, but he could hardly carry her back to her own bedroom in the state that she was in. He sighed and looked toward the ceiling. He was going to have to stay.

"Alright, now. It's time for bed." He straightened the blankets on the bed and took her hand, leading her around the other side. If he could get her into bed he could sneak out of the room to get her some water and maybe a bit of bread.

She pulled away as he tried to urge her into bed, face flushed and firm. "I'm not going to bed, Carson!" She motioned toward the near-empty bottle. "I'm going to finish this and enjoy myself for a change." She smiled a bit, "And you're going to stay and enjoy it with me!"

He took a deep breath and failed to hide the disdain in his voice. "I hardly think you believe that, milady. Now lie down. You've got to sleep this..._embarrassment_ off."

She crossed her arms and tried to stand as tall as she possibly could. Unfortunately for her the effect was marred slightly by her slurred words and the fact that she was so unsteady on her feet. "Do not presume to tell me what to do, Carson. You work for _me_, after all, let's not get that confused."

He stiffened a bit, utterly unused to being spoken down to by the slip of a girl standing in front of him. He sadly supposed that the days were coming when that would happen more and more.

His voice was firm when he spoke. "Lady Mary, I work for your _father_, not for you. Let's not, how did you put it, _get that confused_." She flinched a bit. "Now that you mention it, I suppose I would be serving your father much more appropriately were I to wake him to come see to you himself."

The color drained from her face immediately and her voice rose in panic. "You wouldn't _dare_ get my father!" When he didn't say anything she continued, "Oh, Carson, please don't do that. He'd never forgive me and I couldn't take being a disappointment to him." Her voice was strained as she continued to beg, "Please, Carson, I'll go to bed. You don't have to get him. I'll do whatever you _say_!"

He turned to face her, still highly annoyed, but his heart immediately lurched as she started to cry, looking so, so very much like the tiny girl he used to sing to sleep. He knew that her emotional roller coaster was due to the alcohol, but he couldn't help but feel that her misstep tonight had simply been a symptom of the pressure she was feeling in her life. There was a lot of weight on her small shoulders.

"Alright, alright." He held open an arm and she rushed to him, allowing him to lead her to bed and tuck her in. He had just pulled the last blanket up when her face turned white as a ghost and she rolled out of bed, running for the chamber pot in the corner. The sound of her nearly broke his heart, but he composed himself enough to walk to her to make sure that she was alright.

"Get away, Carson. I don't want you to see me in such a mess."

He knelt down and ran a hand along her back, shushing her and humming softly to calm her. "Don't worry, milady. We'll get you to bed and everything will be brighter in the morning."

He waited a few more moments for her to collect herself before leading her to bed and tucking her in. He smiled dryly as he watched her settle down, aware that she was now closer to sleep than dancing. She was growing up so fast, becoming a woman right before his eyes. He wished that she were having an easier time of it, but every day that he watched her he knew that she was struggling.

Asking such a wild spirit to settle into a life of dinner parties and cotillions seemed almost cruel somehow. Outwardly she was doing quite well. Preparing for her coming out in London in three months, mingling seamlessly with the endless stream of guests her parents kept at Downton. But anyone that truly knew her could see her faltering. Feigning disinterest in the things that once made her so happy, spending more time walking the grounds alone...even the spark was gone from her bickering and snark.

He had no doubt that she would come out on the other side flawlessly, but the in-between, the time in which she tried to join who she was to who she was expected to be, was going to be a difficult time.

He tucked in the last blanket and stood to walk to the chair in the corner of the room when, half-asleep, she held out a hand to him. "You know what to do."

His heart nearly burst. For the first time in the evening he felt grateful that her inhibitions were down. He took her hand in his and sat against the headboard beside her, placing a kiss on her hair and humming softly until the words came to him.

"_Hill and vale in slumber sleeping, I my loving vigil keeping, All through the night."_

And as the song promised he stayed awake throughout the night, watching her to make sure that she was safe and remembering nights exactly like this that had so enriched his life for the past fifteen years.

.

.

.

It was a little after 11 the next morning when he heard a light knock on his pantry door.

"Yes?"

A raven head poked through the door. "Could I come in for a moment?"

He softened immediately at the sight of her and stood. "Of course, milady. Always."

She smiled shortly and walked into the room, a bit awkwardly. "Carson, about last night."

He nodded a bit and held up a hand. "What do you say we make last night our little secret?"

Her eyes lit up. "Really?" She cocked her head to the side. "Why would you do that?"

"We all make mistakes that we'd rather not remember."

She smiled with understanding and nodded. "Yes. Well. Thank you, Carson."

"Uh, milady." He took a hesitant step forward. "If something were bothering you...that is to say that I only want to make sure that you know that you can always come to me with any problem at all that you may be having."

She reached out to grasp his hand. "I'm afraid that I may have been a bit unkind to you last night, though I must admit that I don't remember exactly how." She looked down as he smiled. "But I do know, Carson, that no matter what else is going on in my life I can always count on you. I'm very grateful for that."

He squeezed her hand as the door opened.

"Oh! Lady Mary. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were downstairs."

Carson dropped her hand quickly and Mary smiled. "That's quite fine, Mrs. Hughes, I was just heading up."

With one last glance toward Carson she was out of the room and up the stairs.

"Is everything alright? She seemed a bit...odd."

Carson smiled. "I think she'll be just fine."


End file.
